2016/11/15

A Relationship Has To Make Me Happy All The Time


A relationship is there to make you happy. Why else would you engage in romantic relationships? And when we're unhappy, it's time to move on or open up the relationship, because all our needs have to be met all the time, right? Unfortunately, it's not as easy as that... 



Oh, all those needs and desires...


First, we should maybe talk about the needs that you want to be met by your partner. There are a few basic needs, like being treated with respect, being loved for who you are, with all your flaws, security and faithfulness. And then there are those other needs, the list is endless: you want our partner to agree with you, you want harmony, you want romantic gestures, you want to share activities, you want freedom, you want to be hugged when you feel sad, you want distance when you don't feel like hugging, you want novelty, you want surprises, you want routine, you want monogamy, you want to stray (well, at least some people seem to want that)... Yes, a few of them are contradictory. Sometimes you want all of that at the the same time, or you feel like you need one thing now and tomorrow the other one. 


Totally focussed on the self


The problem of all of these needs is that you dictate when your partner has to meet them. You decide if you need a hug or a talk in a certain situation and then expect your partner to meet that need instantly. But your partner is an autonomous being with his/her own needs and it is impossible that everybody is always 100% satisfied. So you either need to get yourself a slave that has no opinion or desires on its own OR you need to shift your focus towards your partner. 

A few questions that you could aks yourself...
- What are my partner's needs? 
- When do we have the same needs and when are they different? 
- When do I have to step back and just serve my partner and when can I ask him to take care of me? 

Every relationship means that you have to make compromises from time to time. And you might not be happy about a compromise, because it's not exactly what you wanted. 

But you can find happiness in your partner's happiness. And remember that what feels good in the moment might not be what's really good for you when that moment has passed... 



But I'll do another post on that very soon! It's going to be a continuation of this post. 

And of course a disclaimer: If your partner doesn't meet ANY of your needs, you should definitely sit down and have a talk about that! 

Update 16/11/2016: If you want to read more on that topic, you might want to check out these links: 

Marriage is not for our happiness, or is it? by Reagan Ramm

Why I didn't choose a marriage that would make me happy by Brittany 





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