2016/07/19

Why Love And Sex Shouldn't Be Separated


This is the second post in the series on boundaries, casual sex and friends with benefits.

"When that one night stand gets dressed again, the affair returns to his wife and the friend with benefits has benefited from you, you'll be alone again. "




Nowadays, casual sex, one night stands, affairs and friends with benefits are seen as pretty normal. However, it is often overlooked that the separation of love and sex bears many dangers. The most common dangers are that it provides a false image of maturity, leads to STIs and unwanted pregnancies and ultimately to broken hearts. 


Casual Sex = Maturity?



First, the ability to separate love and sex is unfortunately seen as a sign of maturity.
Love and emotions are discarded as weak and naive. What's more, the people who cannot or refuse to make that separation are said to lack something. This. Is. Not. True. Rather, the "fun-oriented" folks display an immature and egoistic attitude. They only care about their desires and their immediate (sexual) satisfaction and don't want to bother with pursuing and courting a person. It's not very hard to be selfish and self-centered. A selfless and loving attitude however takes a lot of maturity. 


STIs and unwanted pregnancies



Second, casual sex leads to STIs and unwanted pregnancies. There is always the possibility to contract an STI because condoms don't offer protection against every infection. Furthermore, no contraceptive method is 100% safe. That is of course true for every kind of sexual relationship, but in a stable relationship, the people involved can count on the support of their partner and go through it together. This safety is practically non-existent in casual sex. And frequently changing partners also increases the risk of catching a disease. Who asks for an aids test before a one night stand?


A lot of broken hearts


Third, the separation of love and sex leads to a lot of broken hearts. That's because sex causes us to bond. Special hormones (oxytocin) are released so that we get attached to our partner. * But getting attached in a setting where emotions are unwanted and excluded will automatically end up in broken hearts when the other person does not get attached, too. Such a setting is already predestined to fail and cause a lot of hurt.

In the end, you're still alone


In addition, most people that change their partners very often also search for love, attention and a way to fight the loneliness. But the cure is not to be found in casual sex. When that one night stand gets dressed again, the affair returns to his wife and the friend with benefits has benefited from you, you'll be alone again. 


* The same hormone is released during breastfeeding to strengthen the bond between a mother and her child. 

Find the first post in this series here.

The next post will be published on the 21.07. and cover my experiences with friends with benefits.

Is it really worth all the risks? 

How do you think about love and sex? Do you think they go to together? 

Have you ever tried casual sex? If so, why?

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