Relationship Status "I don't know"

„So, are we like, together now?”

Sunday afternoon. Our third date. We're sitting on the couch in my living room. We feel like we have to do something. This is too serious to just continue dating. And then he asks me that question. I answer that I don't now. That I like him. But we don't decide anything on that day. The next week, I tell him "I'd really like to be your girlfriend". And that's how my boyfriend and I become a couple. It is rather quick, but it is the right decision. 

"We'll just see how it turns out."

Today, many dating relationships look like this:
A and B get along quite well. They often hang out together, go on dates and are probably having great sex. However, when you ask A if he loves B, the response you’ll get is something along the lines of “I don’t know. I like her, yes, but love… that’s such a big word.” And B can’t tell whether A is her boyfriend or not… “We’ll just see how it turns out” is something you often hear. 

Are you taking your time or are you "test-driving"?

People take their time before they decide to be committed to each other. It of course makes sense not to get engaged or married when you know each other only for a few weeks. Starting a relationship with someone you met yesterday might also not be the best idea. There is nothing wrong with getting to know a person first before entering a relationship. But there is a difference between getting to know a person with the goal of entering a relationship or aimlessly dating around. 

I would be the last one to say that my boyfriend and I have done everything right. But when we started dating, we both knew where it would lead us. A few days after we first met, he asked me whether I was looking for a serious relationship, because if I wasn’t, he wouldn’t have asked me out. This gave our dating relationship a security. We weren’t “test-driving” each other. I knew that he wasn’t in there just to have “some fun”.

Be intentional!

Today, many people don’t have that security. They start dating someone without knowing what they are looking for. Some are open for every potential outcome, may it be a one night stand, just friends, “fuckbuddies” or true love. Some assume that if the other person engages in kissing and sex, they are serious about them. Some never get committed to each other and never take the time to evaluate their feelings and their relationships. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings and broken hearts.

I want to encourage you to be clear about your intentions from the start; to think about your boundaries before you start dating and to communicate them to the other person. If you don’t want to be committed to a person, don’t play around with them.

Speaking about intentional relationships, I might write about courtship soon!

Have you ever experienced a relationship where the other’s intentions were not clear?

What are your intentions when you start dating someone? Do you communicate them from the start?

Do you shy away from commitment? Why?

I’d love to hear from you! 

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